So yeah

Hi! I’m currently sitting on the floor with 5 books around me, a big mess of papers and a big cup of tea rightly placed on top of it. I’m trying to do my Norwegian homework and it’s just mission impossible: uncut edition. I want to write about something, but also everything else. Every time I try to write a paper all my other thoughts just get mixed in, and I love it too much. So it’s no wonder why I always hear that ”hey, you write way too messy, and also, your grammar is terrible”. So yeah. I’m trying to organize my thoughts, it’s super difficult. I want to turn down the difficulty. I want to play life on easy mode.

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(A very nice lunch)

But I gotta focus, I can’t turn down the difficulty, I can’t keep procrastinating. Life would probably feel less awesome on easy mode. Get everything handed to you and you don’t really have to fight, and when you do it’s overkill. I’ve been playing alot of fallout 4 and battlefront 2 latley, since it’s so nice to escape there, If it gets too hard and I die, I just respawn at the most current saving point. What if life was that way? Oh you screwed up badly, let’s just respawn you. We would be experts at mastering life. Anyways, I’m rambling. I shall go and do my homework before it’s too late.

-Ida

Do we live our own lives?

Hallo! I’ve just had a wonderful weekend with great food and great company. I just feel at ease, so peaceful and my mind is starting to calm down. I stared feeling a bit shocked about my state of mind and how I was feeling this blissful happiness, since only a couple of days ago my mind and world was chaos. I’m just so used to being sad and worried about everything that I started to doubt that this feeling was real. Am I just distracting myself? Is it wrong not to worry when I have all of these deadlines? Is this feeling just fake? What about this? What about that? Then I just stopped myself and switched my mind. Why do we keep feeling guilty when we feel good? Do we feel like we don’t deserve to feel relaxed? Do we keep living our lives stressed out because we feel guilty if we’re not? I think this is because we are told how we should live our lives, that we are supposed to have gotten this far by now, our we should look at those around us and have the lives that they have. And if we fail to meet the standards that have been set in our own minds and others we should feel stressed and guilty, or even ashamed about it until we get there. image

I think this is the automatic way of acting and thinking (well for me at least). This is sad. I don’t want to wake up one morning when I’m 40 something, and then realized that I never truly lived. Maybe this is the case for a lot of people, since we do feel good when we obtain the standard that other people have in mind, when other people are jealous of our lives or we did what our parents wanted us to do. Maybe we live out of fear, never being good enough and base our worth on what other people think about us. I will do my best to focus and not lose my sight on what I want to do without thinking about everyone else’s opinion about it, at the end of the day, it’s just me anyway. You should follow and create your own path, not follow everyone. If everyone walks the same path, there will be no more good experiences, no original ideas, no new inspiration. So please, feel good about yourself and your life without feeling guilty about it.

Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be? -Danielle LaPorte

-Ida

 

The day after.

Yesterday I went to a big party at the senter where I worked and it was fantastic, and I am hungover as f***, but the night was so worth it. I met Stian Blipp, a Norwegian celebrity who was really nice (and super cute i may say). After the party i went to a few pubs in town with a friend, it was super fun but really crowded, I got hit on by a few guys which was weird as they where a lot older than me, almost the same age as my mom. After a few hours i started wandering home, talked to the cops when I found a girl passed out on the streets and then ended up being picked up by a friend who drove me to tom’s place, where i blacked out the moment I hit the bed. SUCH AN AMAZING NIGHT, might not sound like it but it was.

I woke up at 2pm, with a bad migraine and my body shaking from all the alcohol, i just lay in bed desperate for coffee but not wanting to move or wanting to exist. I had a huge craving for a burger and cola but since I used up all my money on alcohol yesterday, but still worth it! Now I just need to relax, maybe clean some clothes and tidy up a bit.

See you later!

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Cappuccino

I have turned 22 but I don’t feel any different. On my birthday i felt sad, I felt weird and uncomfortable. I still feel that way. But at the same time I don’t know what I feel these days, I just like go to work, and sleep afterwords, I have no idea what i am doing these days with my life, but at least i’m trying.

Today I worked from 09:00- 15:00, and after a long/short day of being mad at my fringe I got a drop in appointment at H2 hairdresser, and it felt amazing! It is truly amazing what a trim can do. When I got home I colored my hair but failed but i’m still kind of satisfied, it looks healthier. Then I cleaned the bathroom and toilet and sat down and watched “Eat, Pray, Love” Such a lovely movie! All I need to do now is clean my room(it looks like shit) eat something as i am starting to shake and read a book. And probably make brownies.

Oh! And I also managed to draw in my cappucino today and I am so happy about it!

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I got a new coat and i love it! I feel like little red riding hood in it.

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I got a new coffe mug for my birthday and bought new books with the money i got.

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A good night photo of me looking weirdly awake considering how tired I really am. Have a nice evening everyone!

  • Margit

Goodbye

I lay here completely still in my bed, afraid to move to much, breathe too much. I close my eyes before everything becomes a reality again. Too real. I can’t escape the creeping thoughts in the back of my mind, the thoughts that punches me in the center of my solar plexus, the thoughts that makes my throat hurt and my heart sting.

It’s here yet again.
The pain that I’ve been trying to keep safely in a box, desperately hammering it shut.
It keeps coming back
I try to push it away
Why oh why did you do this to me
Why did I have to love you
Why can’t I stop loving you
I try to forget
I try to push you out of my mind
I really do.. Try
But I never do
I guess, “I’m not ready”

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I’m still waiting for a miracle to happen, for you to show me the magic you used to show me. I’m just kidding myself though, I’m waiting for the impossible to happen.
But you aren’t that person anymore, and that’s okay.

So I will have to let you go.
I will let the feeling of pain take over, since I’ve realized this is permanent, there will be no more me and you. However there’s still going to be a me,
so I’ll take care of that.

Goodbye.

 

-Ida

Chicago

Hi! I’ve spent my last week in Chicago. I decided to be a little bit spontaneous, since I’m looking for a place to study and Chicago is on the top of my list. I’m so happy I did this, I love this city.

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I spent most of my time just walking around; I enjoyed it so much, ever since I moved to America I would have do drive to get around anywhere.

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Other than that I went two times to the art institute of chicago; where I got to see Vincent Van Gogh, picasso, Mattise, Monet and so much more. This was so overwhelming and huge for me, it made me so emotional and I was feeling so honored. I also discovered new pieces I haven’t seen before, I could honesly just live there.

I was also asked to do a pose for subway. I spent some time at the shedd aquarium, the zoo, navy pier and Willis tower. The rest of my days consited of walking, eating and drinking tea.

-Ida