Goodbye

I lay here completely still in my bed, afraid to move to much, breathe too much. I close my eyes before everything becomes a reality again. Too real. I can’t escape the creeping thoughts in the back of my mind, the thoughts that punches me in the center of my solar plexus, the thoughts that makes my throat hurt and my heart sting.

It’s here yet again.
The pain that I’ve been trying to keep safely in a box, desperately hammering it shut.
It keeps coming back
I try to push it away
Why oh why did you do this to me
Why did I have to love you
Why can’t I stop loving you
I try to forget
I try to push you out of my mind
I really do.. Try
But I never do
I guess, “I’m not ready”

SONY DSC

I’m still waiting for a miracle to happen, for you to show me the magic you used to show me. I’m just kidding myself though, I’m waiting for the impossible to happen.
But you aren’t that person anymore, and that’s okay.

So I will have to let you go.
I will let the feeling of pain take over, since I’ve realized this is permanent, there will be no more me and you. However there’s still going to be a me,
so I’ll take care of that.

Goodbye.

 

-Ida

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