Winter break

I think winter season and christmas is my favorite part of the year. There’s always this kind of magic in the air and you get to sit inside with a book and music while it’s cold outside. You get all of these messages from people you haven’t heard from in a while and you get to spend some hours to put togheter a present or a card to show people that you care for them. It’s a season to eat a lot of food and try alcohol you don’t really like while your relatives laughs at your facial expressions. I think about how I will make my own traditions in the future and what I will do better next year.

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I’ve spent most of my days with friends and family and also sitting inside my room painting stuff and driking coffee. I never ever thought it would snow here in oklahoma since it’s been so hot outside. But snow fell over 3 days and winter became even better.

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It’s also a season of sadness, a beautiful kind of sadness. At least for me, most of the tragic events have happend late november, but then the magic of christmas and new years comes around and saves me every time. So thank you winter for lifting me up, giving me a fresh start every year.

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Come to life

-Ida

The big one

Hello folks! New year new blog! This year has been so hard and I am so glad that it is finally over and that i now have a new start and a new possibility to change my life and how i am living. This Christmas i lived in my pajamas and slept so much! I’ve been so exhausted this year with relationships problems, bad economy, sickness, mental issues, medication, work issues etc… So this Christmas break was desperately needed, even though my body was not quite so happy about all the food and chocolate I managed to press down. At the end I took a long super hot bath with tons of hair and body care and then just laid on the couch all night, then i woke up, went to the cinema and then went home and slept the rest of the day. I feel almost ready to start working tomorrow, its a short day so it will go alright anyway.

Anyways, Next year will be a big change (i hope) where things hopefully will start to go my way and not against me!

 

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-Margit

Goodbye 2015

As the days of this year become less and less, I would like to look back at what actually happened in 2015. What did I do? Did I succeed in something? Did I miss anything? Have I changed at all?

 

At the very beginning of 2015 I lived in South Korea in a tiny studio apartment, I had a terrible job (well for me at least), I drank a lot and my relationship was at the tip of destruction. None of that really mattered, since I was living my dream of travelling the world, getting as much experience as possible. At the same time, I was miserable and I had a constant mental battle in my mind.

 

In February I called it quits, well, my body and mind did. I was depressed and exhausted, I wanted to save my relationship and I could not keep going in that job anymore.

I moved back to Norway and spent three months doing absolutely nothing.

I ignored the fact that I was still depressed and had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Honestly, I don’t think I had any interest in living at all. I was very nostalgic and tried to hold on and think about my past. Tried desperately to recreate the time where my life was good, living in a state of “fake-happiness”.

My mom and step-dad got married in late April, planning to move to the United States in June. My boyfriend got a job in Japan and I helped happily with the visa application process. My parents asked me if I wanted to come with them to the U.S and I said yes, since I did not really have anything to do in Norway anyway.

 

Life in a new place started again.

 

It was fun, exiting, I loved it and I hated it. Mostly I did not enjoy living with my parents again, since I really like to have my own space. I got in to college, surprised that my high school grades were good enough. I also enrolled to online classes.

…Then my ignoring and living in the state of “fake-happiness” back fired like a bitch. I was tired of everything, I had no idea what I wanted to do and I fell into depression once again. I visited my boyfriend in Japan in September and I celebrated my 21st birthday. I was miserable and I felt guilty about it. I was doing all of these amazing things some people only dream of, and still, I was just so sad all the time.

I started going to therapy, I could not keep up with my classes, my relationship was bad, and I lost all motivation in everything.

Things turned around when I got a group of friends, I started doing things I loved again, like painting, reading and exploring. I started asking myself what I wanted to do with my life, who I was and what kind of things I wanted to accomplish. I was still depressed but I had a sense of mind, a kind of passion and kindness towards myself. I didn’t judge myself as harshly and was thinking that what I was feeling was normal, I didn’t have to feel guilty about it, it was okay that I couldn’t perform at my best.

My relationship ended. I felt relived, even though I loved him. I spend my time now living day by day, asking myself; what can I do today to make myself feel better? I try thinking about all the good things in my life. I try to add more and more good things, exploring outside of my comfort zone.

 

2015 was the year where I was disappointed, the year I stood up for myself, the year I ignored my problems, the year I was ready for something new, the year I wanted to solve my problems, the year I wanted to be great, the year of nostalgia, the year my personality changed and got a sense of direction. Looking back, it was not one of the best years in my life so far, but some good things did happen.

Good riddance 2015, I will happily say goodbye and move on to greater days!

-Ida